so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
