We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
