we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
