First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
