Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
