She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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