I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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