i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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