so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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