Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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