just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
