Just mADE A PArabola og urine
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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