my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
