I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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