Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
