the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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