Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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