I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
