Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
