Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
