So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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