did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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