need another drink. this is the easiest way
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
