Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
