Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
