I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
