i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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