feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
