He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
