xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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