I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
