I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
