I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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