we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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