We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
