You just made me feel so damn special
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
