There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
