I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
