At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
