His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
