i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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