I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
