Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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