You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
