Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
