Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Who died my cat blue again?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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