drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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