I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
