this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
