you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
