u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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