I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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