haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
and you fell through a lawn chair
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
