how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
