I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
