the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
