even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Terrible idea I love it
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
