Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
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it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
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I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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