I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
