I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
