Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
