i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
