i wish starbucks made bloody marys
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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