I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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