In the future we'll all be gay
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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