dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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