dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
two words: eviction party
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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