You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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