its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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